So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize