Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
