Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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