bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
