so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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