i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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