Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
