Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
