remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
