I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
