Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
