mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
