god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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