just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
