the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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