Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
