so explain again why im purple
no
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
