never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize