Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
