Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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