Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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