Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
