and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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