I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
