if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize