I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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