This is not my ceiling
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
