you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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