So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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