When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
