did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
