i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
