sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
