My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize