You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
