going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
