Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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