why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
