brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
