I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize