the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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