i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
