Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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