Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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