I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
