OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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