I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
