only you would photoshop your dick
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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