why didn't you poke me back
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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