I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
