and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
