you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
