I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
