Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
