So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
