Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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