Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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