Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
