my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
