Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
