Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
