Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize