my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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