Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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