I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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