You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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