Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
