I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
