So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The adults are the big ones right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
