Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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