Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Only a mothe r could love this liver
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
