you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
