I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize