I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize