Got a toothbrush?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
