it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
