i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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