Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
