Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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